#Christiancore or Christ at our core?....

Every Catholic knows that "once a Catholic, always a Catholic". And there is something in this: the muscle memory in remembering word-perfect lyrics when you hear an old primary school hymn for the first time in decades, the comforting familiarity you feel when you enter a beautiful stained-glass church, or how you First Holy Communion was still the best day your life (un-ashamedly). A lapsed Catholic’s favourite thing to talk about is the one thing they spent the better half of their life running from: Catholicism.

In today's digital age, TikTok trends come as often as Shirley Ballas does whenever a male celebrity, with a vaguely pretty face hits the Strictly Cum Dancing dancefloor on a Saturday night.

There's always a new trend popping up. 

But the latest #CatholicCore trend (under the same umbrella as Christian Core and its more problematic pal, Mexican Catholic Girl Core) has especially caught my attention. And, has sustained a pretty impressive shelf life of relevance amongst a pool of fleeting micro trends that come and go like the wind changes. (don't make that face, the wind will change and it will be stuck like that forever!!)

sooooo what is CatholicCore?

Cathlicore uses symbols and motifs well known within the Christian religion purely as fashion fodder, as a statement.

(Trimble, 2022)

Sabrina Carpenter's 'Feather' music video (filmed in a Church) is adorned with sparkly religious motifs, coffins that read 'rip bitch' and a coquette Sabs dancing in a way that definitely doesn't leave a 5cm gap for the Holy Spirit..The priest who allowed such controversial filming in his church was subsequently stripped from his duties.

Catholics don’t do things by half. I mean.. their whole 1500s mood board was literally about being the most flashy, decadent style of worship compared to their more modest Protestant brothers.

From the silken floor length garments worn by priests, to the fact that Mass is traditionally said in Latin (infamously the most bows and frills language going), Catholicism is one big theatric. Drama, decadence and threatrics. It’s all very Drama Kid/show tune/silk and gold/choirs/oh and the *literal* offering of Jesus' wafer thin body.

Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker's wedding in 2022 was drenched in flashy religious motifs: from an ornate Catholic alter, chunky crosses and a wedding mini dress featuring a veil emblazzoned with the Virgin Mary

Ok... why are we crazed for this Christiancor’blimey trend?

Reclaiming and reappropriating religious trauma:

Firstly, what do we mean by reappropriation?:

 

to take back or reclaim (something) for one's own purposes

trying to reappropriate a disparaging term

Hot!

We can see examples of reappropriation across many resistance movements. Typically used by minority groups who have been oppressed by the majority ie; the LGBTQ+ community reclaiming the word queer, or the aptly named SlutWalk protests coined and incited by female protesters calling out rape culture and slut-shaming. 

Disclaimer: I understand that Catholicism and Western Christianity might not be an explicitly oppressed minority group and therefore potentially unfitting for the criteria of reappropriation...I am focusing on the experience of individuals affected by religious trauma following an upbringing moulded by instutionalised religion.

Religious trauma:

Indie girlie Ethel Cain has built her music brand around her complex relationship with Christianity after her Baptist Church upbringing

Religious trauma is any trauma that takes place in a religious setting, often through psychological or emotional distress or emotionally manipulative practices.

Whilst a heavily encouraged religious upbringing might not be intentionally, or exclusively harmful, it does have the ability to negatively affect people in different ways. 

Causes of religious trauma can include:

Using guilt and fear-mongering tactics to control behavior, thoughts and feelings based on strict moral coding

Rigid gender roles being used to limit and control

Repression of critical thinking and questioning

Physical, sexual, finanical and/or emotional abuse

(Sandstone Care, 2024)

A controversial theme: The Met Gala 2018: Heavenly Bodies and The Catholic Imagination

For the majority of marginalised folk who have faced trauma and discrimination at the hands of oppressors, the act of reappropriating otherwise negative associated lanaguge and symbols is a powerful tool. Powerful in reempowrring, and taking ownership of something that has been used negatively against them and reclaiming the use of such labels and symbols to use themselves. If you're unapologetically labelling yourself with words that might have used to shame you, you've stripped oppressors the power to shame you via these labels and symbols. It's yours.

If your experience in the Catholic Church was anything like mine (and I actually looooved Catholic school), you might associate Catholicism with the constant reminder that we are evil sinners facing death and the firey pits of hell, or is it the sadistic, human-shaped judgements, villifying anyone who has experienced thoughts and feelingss of sexual desire?  (Belfield, 2022)

girlish bows are a Catholic Core staple!

Apart from the fact that genuine Christian teaching is built around a benevolent God who encourages us to be full of hope with the good news that Jesus loves us sooo much that he died for our sins already!!.. Catholicism possesses an unfortunate histroic reputation of being all fire and brimstone; eventually pushing disgruntled people away from faith all together. And of course, if your only exposure to the Church has been one of fear and shame, then why would you want to stick to it... 

i like the confidence, hate the crop

 if i wore this to Church I would be like a widow stood on a porch wrapping her XXL cardigan around her waist trying to cover up this sacreligious little tee shirt

This might explain the rise in ex-Catholic girlies, rebelling against purity culture, in the interest of self-expression and individualism. Donning a crucifix, sporting a cropped tee with 'GOD's FAVOURITE' emblazzoned across the tits, knee high socks with Mary Jane shoes and bows in their hair: it’s Catholic style but make it sexy. The provocative and confrontational language used in this counter-Catholic aesthetic is desperate to declare that 'I no longer belong to you, God! I'm in control of my life now!' A visual FU to the years of shame and fear-mongering surrounding sexual identity, and desire to stand out as an individual. How better to piss off the Church that surpressed you for decades than to dress as a sexified version of the quintessential Catholic gurl.

Rebellion and Individualism:

In a secular post-modern time, we are increasingly driven by individualism. In the Western world at least, we are ruled by neo-liberal principles that encourage the individual to solely rely and focus on themself, and not work as part of a collective (Blakeley, 2021) We are surrounded by products that promise to maximise individual potential; from the myriad of self-help books, individual's reliance of on 'manifestation' to obtain desires and goals, body enhancements and beauty products, to our ruthless obession with fame, power and climbing to the top of the career ladder (Heintz, 2017).

TikTok is the light calorie alternative to the equally trust worthy (and scrumptits) fortune cookie xx                      

Just look at how far we are straying from collectivism: the decline in religious community (with a drastic jump from 75% Britons believing in God in 1981, to less than half in 2022) evidencing how Gen Z are the least religious generation compared to their predecessors (Kings College London, 2023). Or perhaps, the crumbling of the welfare state (from relentless cuts to the NHS, leaving dementia suffers to their own devices and the closure of youth inititives to name a few). And most recently, the neglect of elderly lives during COVID-19, to the current discussion of the End of Life Bill, we are a drifting society.

Some dubious about the proposed End of Life Bill are concerned that it could be used non-ethically against the disabled, elderly, homeless and improvished 

just reminicsing... addison rae getting cancelled for her 'father son and the holy spirit' bikini

Significantly, we notice that the majority of images and aesthetics associated with Catholic girl Core are hyper sexualised and ultra feminine. Think Lana Del Rey, Sabrina Carpenter and the glamour of the hyper-femme 2000s lacey, Coquette, girlish but sexy, diamente-cross drenched  celebrities like Victoria Beckham and Paris Hilton.

that's hot! 

mum and dad in the 90s

A visual protest against something that once symbolised repression and fear, turned into individualism and bold self-expression. It just so helps that the gold, glitzy, hyper-femme Catholic aesthetic is so fashion-coded, and popularised by celebs whose style we love and replicate. A secular society has replaced its idolisation of God, with the new-age idolisation of celebrity and the aesthetic.

colourised footage of the Virgin Mary being a MUA  

But is this all a sign of craving religion?

Humans are hard-wired to crave a sense of belonging... call that evolutionary survival tactics or call it a sign that we were made in the image of a higher creator.. A creator who craves a deep and personal relationship with us so much that He did something about it! And sent His son to Earth so that we could know and live through him. Before having a personal relationship with Jesus, I thought religion was just an excuse to control and fear-monger a society into submission and order. I had never considered that there was Jesus at the centre... which sounds odd considering every morning began with a prayer and I was Year 6's longest reigning Prayer Table Monitor . But hey! whatver floats your fishing boat!

There's a nostalgia in digging out your old Catholic memrobillia, and with nostalgia comes a deep sense of comfort. But what if this comfort is a sign of God drawing us deeper to Him? What if wearing a cross goes further than aesthetics... and deep down, we know there's a profound spirital meaning behind the cross. A cross that represents a God that loves and saves.

And whilst we cling onto the popular (and varryingly comforting),  man-made soul searching techniques of meditation, crystal girlies and human-focused spirituality, we are never too far from the next existental crisis. The big whats, whos and whys about life, our purpose and our existence. And surely only an all-knowing, all-loving, all-powerful God has those answers... So next time you're on Depop about to send a shockingly lowball offer on that pink diamente 'genuine 2000s, worn by Lindsey Lohan' cross necklace, why not be open to getting to know the God who created that cross because he la la la la la loves you. 

An ode to One Direction's ridiculous song lyrics

X-Factor was nothing short of a miracle. 

X-Factor Series 6 provided panel shows and Britain Got's Talent amateur impressionists alike with the greatest Essex gift-wrapped prize; Stacey Solomon. Or perhaps your palette is more suited to series 9 where Gary Barlow blew my socks off into the top of the Eventium Apollo with his: "I don't know whats more offensive, your comments or that FAG ASH BREATH" zinger response to original female boss Tulisa.

feminism in colour, 2011

But most importantly, series 7 of XXL Factor birthed One Direction.  

It was a series that single-handedly corrected an otherwise accepted stat and fact via the medium of its 2010 boyband offering. This statistical urban legend that the Sexxy-Factor kindly refuted will send the National Census survey screaming:

• Myth: there was an estimated 31 million UK population of men in 2010
• Fact: in actuality, only 5 men actually existed in 2010 !!!! 

If you weren’t one of the big five (aka one of the one direction boys) then u were vaccuous space. Consider your manhood finito, kaput, nish, nada, gone. chopped liver. Nobody else would do (apart from maybe Robbie Williams) when it came to eligible bachelors.

Harry: the charmer
Niall: the Irish one
Louis: the cheeky one
Zayn: the mysterious one
Liam: 'Daddy Direction'

I suddenly had a tough decision to make. Which one of these boys would make me the happiest eight-year old alive? I had to choose one. This was a choice that would have serious implications. Which of these boys would I develop Stockholm Syndrome for when they inevitably kidnapped me as a sign of their undying love (as the majority of high calibre Wattpad fan fictions had convinced me would be the start of our love affair)?! Which of their surnames is the most compatible with my name? Fail to prepare, prepare to fail and all that razzmatazz. And which of their haunting ken dolls would I buy first?

the skinny, the bootcut, the Mom fit

But One Direction were not just heartthrobs, they were lyrical geniuses. These boys were boundary pushers- intent to push their luck and see just how much lyrical lunacy they could get away with.

Here are some of their stupidest lyrics:

“Waking up beside you, I'm a loaded gun, I can't contain this anymore” 

No Control

Kickstarting with a lyric that puts the rank in ranking, truly. Very vivid, very animalistic, very second amendment in the Constitution. Essentially, Louis Tomlinson scraping together a music career by singing about his raging morning glory. It’s giving NoFap. One strike and he’s out kinda behaviour if u get my jizzst.

“I can make your tears fall down like the showers that are British.”  

Over Again 

This lyric is crazy. So stupid. Barely even a half rhyme to its name let alone a full rhyming couplet to justify this ridiculous line. When I was a young thing I thought they were singing about bathroom showers - as in TopTiles power shower situation. Growing up is when u realise they’re making a polemical jab at the wet wet wet British rainy weather ! Stupid and camp as Christmas.

“The words you whispered I will always believe, “I want you to rock me, rock me, rock me yeah”  

Rock Me 

If someone whispered that they would like me to, please and thank you, rock them, I would personally NEVER believe. The One Direction boys talk like a book: a fan-fiction book written by 14 year old. 

"I want you to hit the pedal, heavy metal, show me you care. I want you to rock me, rock me… yeah”   

 Rock Me

Yeah sorry this one again! Not done with this harsh rock and roll number just yet. Whilst I subscribe to the ABAB rhyme scheme, the metal, biker, leather and broken bike chain imagery is so aggressive. Weirdly angst fuelled and pseudo sexy. I fear the boys are saying “treat me like a rag doll girly!!” Gender roles flipped I guess. A feminist anthem. Still, genre defining.

“My mother told me I should go and get some therapy. I asked the doctor ‘can you find out what is wrong with me?’ I don’t know why I wanna be with every girl I meet”  

Alive 

This song forced me to stop living in my Catholic shame drenched denial that the 1D boys were young, innocent and by no means…umm active. My denial reached heights I never thought i would reach in 2014, when news broke that Louis Tomlinson was fathering a child after a short lived fling! The birds AND the beas were part of One Direction. And as if I needed anymore confirmation that they were getting a leg over, they released ‘Alive’. An anthem all about their sex addiction. So crippling an addiction, their mother got involved to the point of medical intervention. And it gets worse! The girl in the song encourages him on the basis that, “hey, it’s alright! it makes you feel alive” #enabler #toxic

“With a sign on my back saying, "Kick me"
  Reality ruined my life (go, Tommo, go)” 

I Would 

If Hawaiian shirts and piña coladas had a Twin Flame, it would be this song. The Isle Of Fernando Spanish guitar scats at the beginning transport me to sun, sea, and reality ruining my life #every girl needs these 3 essentials in her holiday bag! 

talk about painting an image in the reader’s mind! So visceral, so April Fools. Bit of slapstick never fails. Kicking K on the back for Louis when he realises he’ll never compare to his love interest’s hot stuff boyfriend (“he’s got 27 tattoos” after all!) so he does feel the fool. Nice bit of oxymoron too with the teen angst ridden line that really ruined his life.

Go Tommo Go in the parenthesis adds a brownie point for group camaraderie and support. Still, one of 1D’s most iconic songs. Love her till the day reality ruins my life.

“She floats through the room on a big balloon”

Girl Almighty

This song is ramadanwith religious imagery, so the possibilities were vast when writing a metaphor to describe just how out of this world and divine this girly really is. But no, they settled on "big balloon". Images of trepidatiously straddling your legs over a ginormous space hopper spring to mind. Clumsy, out of control and butch. Sexy stuff. 

Long live One Direction. And rest in peace Liam Payne- you will be greatly missed. 

                   💫Liam James Payne, 1993-2024💫

 

 

 

 

Confessions of a Barista #1

We've all seen those Primark slogan tops adorned by Facebook mothers and charity shop rails alike. The really high-fashion, haute couture numbers that give the reader strict instruction to: DO NOT talk to me before I've had my COFFEE. Unfortunately, due to the placement of your t-shirt's fontage, gives the unfortunate impression that the reader is staring straight at yer tits. As Katie Price once said say, the nipples are the eyes of the face. As you were.

Whether coffee is your morning glory, or you've trained your taste buds to simply tolerate coffee after the use and abuse of your mum's Pret Subscription (heaven truly has gained an angel)- coffee has become nothing short of an institution.  

The Barista Script

💓#DoNOTGetBritainTalking

I'm a barista (please to be confused with barister). So when people ask me what I do for a living, I tell them i'm a key worker. I might not get a NHS 10% discount but I do save lives. 

One frapalapamochacino at a time.

Being a barista is quite the universal experience. Whether you steam milk in a chain coffee shop or you faf about in an independent cafe with a silly, over-compensating name like Latte Ass or Your Fave Toxic-Expresso, all baristas are created equal. We are experts in fake laughter, caffeine dependency and over-handling the noisy milk steamer to cover up off-hand comments you make about that one overly-familiar customer. 

It's our job to make you feel welcomed in and relaxed and read the room. No shift is complete without tossing out lines from the customer service script. Customer who is a bit frazzled? Well... "It's because you haven't had your coffee yet!" Barely gets some air blown out of their nose for a response, let alone a proper laugh. But what's a polite puff of nose air between friends! 

When you ask if they would "like some sugar with that"? you hover for 2-3 business working days and fake laugh in anticipation for the inevitable "no thanks! i'm sweet enough" customer reply. Now That's What I Call Funny! 0121Rofl. 

A Venti please!

Personal Specification: I'm proficient in identity crisis and latte art

Being a barista, I find myself talking like I’m playing a caricature of myself. Most of the time, my brain doesn’t know what’s about to come out once my mouth has already begun the talking (mistake). In a desperate attempt to appease to the SW postcoded masses of whom I work for, I start referring to loyalty cards as ‘bad boys’ and call every other hot bevarage a ‘cheeky cup of Joe’.

The demographic for whom I so lovingly serve

During the hours of 8-3pm I do not know who I am. I lose myself to the music, the moment, the demographic. I'm a sponge for who and whatever the customer wants me to be. Call it immaculate customer service? I call it chronic people pleasing! xx 

I’ve started calling Freedom Pass holders ‘my love’ and in the last few months of employment, I've enjoyed more enthused conversations about house renovations and the perils of high cholestrol than I've enjoyed hot dinners! It's easier to be a YES MAN when the people slurping their skinny frappes clearly just want an ear to chat to. Plus, the retired Theatre Kid in me secretly delights in role-playing along with these cafe stock characters. Community service meets method acting.

Never work with kids or animals

Being a barista means you become the ultimate YES MAN. Forget the girl you are outside the hours of employment. You're now the everyman's confidant and therapist, the voice of wisdom and knowlege regarding just how ABSURB house prices and cups of coffee are these days, and the regent childminder, on foot to woo and coo and yabadabadoo about their sticky toddler who you swear is the "cutest baby i've ever seen! oh yes you are!" 

the baby in question #genderreveal

Worst of all are the trophy kids... Think trophy wife but 3 apples high and has an unhealthy babycino dependence (do NOT talk to me before I’ve had my Venti Skinny Babycino). 

What would you expect to look up and see after hearing the frenzied yelps of, "over here! excuse me! Come quickly!!"? The scene of a crime perhaps, or the breaking of some serious news per chance. How about just an obnoxiously-proud grandmother showing off their baby grandson who did something vaguely resembling a smile in your vague direction? Of course this justifies dropping EVERYTHING to marvel in wonder... the baby whose idea of a sick joke is decorating the floor with a village-worth of crossiant crumbs and Frube splodge every afternoon. If you're making coffee for the mums, babies and over-bearing grandkids, paint on that smile and make the best babycino yet-it'll make the hours fly quicker and the £11.44 p/h taste even sweeter.

Children are the future. But then again, so is Climate Change xx

uni advice for silly freshers part 2. the shequel

sent my face off to the shops whilst the rest of me bed rots

Ok my silly blog destroyers... 

Welcome back to a strongly requested part 2. in the words of the late great Rita Ora (She's not dead but her clothing range with Primark is bordering on the less alive side of rigor mortis). *breathe* I would NEVER release my art before it was ready... but part 2 of my obnoxiously naff blog is fully cooked. she's ready and raw.

Realistically the tiny slither of chance that actual freshers might read these uni tips and tits is so slim, my blog might as well be on the Slimming World diet. cheeseluver but Sheese on the rocks, hold the lactose.

But if you are a freshi looking for some hot to go advice, welcome in, we have Frosty Jacks on tap. Otherwise indulge in this as a piece of soft-hitting, nostalgic, memory-lane sodden 'journalism'.

Loneliness and boredom

Uh oh! Here's the emotional bridge. 

Pre-uni, whenever uni was the topic of conversation, the topic of loneliness would arise. Naively, I felt this topic of chat was an obligatory disclaimer to recognize, an urban myth of sorts, but not a genuine feeling one actually experienced at uni. Afterall, you’re away from home, surrounded by loads of other students, who are going out and making memories all the time, right! Wrong. 

At some point, uni will likely debunk the urban myth status of loneliness and boredom. Whether your mates have gone home for the weekend, or it feels like everyone but you have found their best course mates, there can be moments of still, quiet, and loneliness (especially heightened by the non-stop student buzz around you). 

1. Start planning things to keep you busy during these harder times, from cheffing up that one meal you’ve been putting off making because it requires a spice that isn’t mixed Italian herbs (fancy), to signing up to a society. 

1. There’s also lot to be said for a to-do-list and the routine and satisfaction these gems can bring. You try ticking off ‘clothes wash’, ‘buy cayenne pepper for dins’, ‘email lecturer’ on a mundane Monday. 

(*emotional part*) But most importantly, be kind to yourself and remember that you’re seeing the highlight reel of most people’s uni experience, not the full selection box of emotions and experiences.

👳And if times get really desperados, just convert to a new religion like I did! that will keep ya busy xxx #christianmingle 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Gretchen Wieners is the ultimate Proverbs 31 woman

 Relationships 

some relationships are for a reason, a season or a lifetime. These girls are for all 3  

• Flatcest?

Look, there are countless advice articles out there that practically SHOUT at you, and will wring you out by the scruff of your NECK to avoid getting involved with your flat mate at. all. costs. The reasons for such are fair and reasonable- aka the exact opposite of decisions you’ll make at uni. So, even if you set clear boundaries to never cross enemy lines in your head, it’s not the end of the world if it does happen. Lots of cases it works out, in many it doesn’t, but it’s often only awkward if you make it awkward (and considering you’re sharing a roof, try with all your might to not make it so).

• Sad girl era 

And then there’s heartbreak at uni, which can be one of the hardest slaps that uni life throws at you. You’re in the same bubble as your ex, the same student stomping grounds that mean bumping into eachother in the middle aisle of your local Aldi is an adrenaline inducing high likelihood. 

 This is just another reason (besides the fact that mates are often the longest lasting and best relationships anyway) why maintaining a close friendship support system is so important and ensuring that whether you’re in a relationship or not, you give your mates the time, attention, and love they deserve.

• Working hard, or studying Sociology?

Be easy on yourself if your work suffers as a result of a heartbreak. It's never too late to catch up on the academics (this is coming from a girl who can count the in-person lectures attended on one hand). But! This is also coming from a girl who studied Sociology (aka the softest of subjects. A subject so soft I'm surprised it didn't get the chop from the Tories alongside Golf Management). 

And also coming from a girl who prides herself on working well under last-minute pressure (aka procrastination leaves me no choice but to pull an all nighter the night before the deadline). Your degree might not cut you the same grace as mine did and you might have no choice but to crack. on. 

Penny Sale!!! 2 for 3 on all mental helf disorders!!

Your heart might be in one thousand little tatters but that compulsory lab, those three essays and the two placements won't do themself. In many ways, diving into your academic work can prove to be one of the most delicious and practical distractions. Not only are you pouring in your energy to something productive and rewarding, but the routine and challenge of academic work will put your mind to work on something positive and fulfilling. 

 

Taking care and listening to your own feelings is always top priority and putting off studying is easier to rectify than putting off facing your feelings (which will eventually catch up with you). 

Florals for spring (cleaning)?

Groundbreaking.

No. The only thing that is breaking the ground of your dismal uni room floor is the mound of clothes, chipped plant pots and sports nights miscellaneous dress up pieces that haven’t been touched all term. Uni buildings are basically built upon string beans, cello tape and magic wishes: one stomping foot or passive aggressive door slam away from crumbling destruction. 

In my 22 years of life I know two things to be Bible truth: 

• Every uni term you will acquire a years worth of belongings that would give the Storage Hunters UK team a funny tingling feeling 
•  I’m convinced nothing will taste as good as the Scooby Snacks that I’ll never get to try

You will be a hoarder by the tender age of 20!!!! And when it’s time to move out of halls and into your second year gaff you’ll be overwhelmed with the amount of brick a crap you’ve acquired over the year.  

same! 

But you also won’t want to bin any of it (because you’ll be thankful you kept that beer funnel that’s acquired a thick layer of correct flavoured VK mould). #immunity 

Get rid of stuff as you go along. I Begatron. If you’re not using it, get rid. The box of freebie pens and posters bestowed upon you during Freshers? Chuck. The right of passage yet eternally naff traffic cone you stole on a messy Tuesday night? Return her to the streets! You’ll be glad when the time comes trust and believe.

Good luck babe!

dear fresher. pt 1 the remix

Tips, tricks and tit-bits for the fresher starting uneh

Uni is a lot like Fresh Meat. If Fresh Meat was reffering to the reduced meat aisle of Aldi, and not the iconic Channel 4 situational comedy commediene starring Jack Whitehall and the welsh one from 'Angus Thongs and Perfect Snogging'. It's slighty terrifying, full of unknown grey areas and you might get sick from it but hopefully it'll be a meal you remember for the rest of your (recently converted vegetarian following this slab of meat) lifetime.

if 'fresh' was a synonym for salmonella

Enjoy and take these uni tips and tricks on board (or don't! I've scraped my 2:1 in Sociology so you don't have to).

 Loving your degree (or not)

Some people love their degree, a lot of us don’t. This doesn’t mean you can’t still love uni, but engaging with your course will probably make those lectures a bit more doable. 

We all tell ourselves that we work better at home, or that watching telly and a lecture together actually boosts concentration(!), but we’re all victims of false hope and self-kidding. Sometimes you need to get arts and craftsy and devise fresh ways to make your degree great again.

Bring your child to work day

Alexa my darling, play Unorthadox ft Wretch 32 on Spotify. Yes yes an unorthadox strategy and a poor man's answer to Open University but a fun way to sink your teeth into your course is to bring a mate along with you to sit in on some of your lectures.. and then try out some of theirs! Whether it’s wanting to convince your mate that your course isn’t actually as easy as people make it out to be (Liberal Art veterans rise up), to show them that one really fit course mate you’re always banging on about, or just for some moral support, it's a fun way to bring some novelty back into the mundane.

Bringing a familiar face into an otherwise all too familiar lecture suddenly transforms studying into a day out. Then pay a visit to your pal's own lecture, you might learn something new (or even better, have some newfound appreaction for your course once you realize that there are far drier alternatives out there)... 

one minute you're a freshi getting lost on campus the next min you're a grad saying GET LOST CAMPUS

Explore campus

don’t trek to the library just because that's where everyone else is going Find your own favorite study spot. You'll surprise yourself at the countless study spots scattered around campus. And girls! You can use this to your advantage. For my gastronut girlies, find that secret study room nextdoor to your fave campus supermarket (work motivation is best served delicious- if good taste came in the form of a meal deal and cost £3.40)  

Coming home and getting into bed will feel so much more satisfying after a day out at campus, and it lets you leave work on campus instead of having it mess up the feng-shui of your uni room. 

Sharing the love... of flat cleaning

 Hear me out, but flat kitchen clean-ups became mini national holidays in my first year flat.

 I know.. I know this sounds like something your mum would say after reading an article about how to make household chores sound more fun for your lazy teenager.. But it genuinely became a comforting silly little ritual that allowed us to play adult, whilst wiping away the mess and regret from the heavy night before. You can tell that my first year was during lockdown, can’t you? Times were tough.

The great peak-aliser

Uni does have its fair share of the mundane, the chores and cleaning, and the little jobs that you might not think about whilst living at home. So turning a flat cleaning session into a group activity, (no matter how mundane the task may be) is actually perfect for chatting away (especially once the novelty hangover-laiden chats perched around the breakfast bar start to wear off).

my front garden during second year <3

Blaring out music and bonding over the inevitable moldy garlic baguette you find behind the fridge freezer is community bonding babes. This may sound too Brady Bunch, and the chances are that flat chores are never born equal. Resentment can build and so drawing up a basic cleaning rota is a good shout. Either way, you will probably find that each flat mate will fall into their role. 

(I never took a bin out during first year and I'm prettier for it)

Put yourself out there 

Said every ‘inspirational’ embroidered quote cushion ever. Ok! Ok! I know! Bear with me, because writing such a cliché does not sit right with me either. But! as much as you hate reading it, and I hate to love writing it, it’s the most important piece of advice there is. 

Find your accommodation Facebook group page, join the group chats and take the plunge early. Once you’re moved in and the tapestry has been lovingly blu-taked to the walls, get knocking on your hall’s doors. It might feel daunting but, (start the cliché chart), everyone is in it together. Plus the aura points you’ll gain from being the balshy, brazen flatmate that brings the whole block together is unmatched. Once the scary five seconds of inital meetings is over and out, you'll never have to re-do that first impression ever again. But it will be 10X more awkies trying to introduce yourself to your neighbours once you're one uni term in, and the ice-breaker go-to of playing Paranoia with a gaggle of mis-matched 18 year olds has well and truly gone stale. 

"Strike whilst the iron is hot!" - Chirag Gupta, 'Diary of a Wimpy Kid'

It’s unlikely that you’ll be best mates with everyone you meet, or even that all your friendships at the start will see you through your whole uni experience, but that’s okay and happens more often than not! 

Uni is the one place where you will live exclusively surrounded with people your age, so the chances are your next best mate is just around the corner. It's like Westfield's Kidzania but for young adults. There are tons of societies to join (or opportunities to start your own one), with tons of like-minded people. It can feel daunting joining a society on your own or taking up a completely new sport or interest as a beginner, but even the most confident, expert level members of that socety you want to join were a nervous beginner once too. Nobody's born a natural Battle Re-anactment Society warrior babe, and even the toughest of Hummus  Society members also had to take the plunge once for the first time!

If I could re-do my first year, one thing I would do differently (as well as avoiding my white rum and apple hi-juice tipple era) is say yes to more opportunities (whey! Tally number 3 for the cliches!). I met amazing people in the first year who would become my best mates in the second year -my only regret here, is that I didn’t cement those friendships sooner. #sobstory

stay tuna for part 2 if u want the full uni survival guide of tricks, treats and tomfoolery.