Unearthing Z-Lister's Vinted accounts

Vinted is a side hustle and baby I'm in minus figures

me when my derogatory lowball offer gets accepted on vinted

There's something devilishly delightful in spotting a celeb in a place they have absolutely no business being in. Imagine celeb spotting a A-Lister doing their big shop in Budgens, or you and a B-Lister both adamantly staring at the ground when you've unjustly seated yourself in the Tube's priority seat. Back in'day, the world of celebrity was illusive and glamorous. Debauched parties in which your only invite to is from the glossy pages of Ok! Magazine, to breaking news of the latest scandal making the rounds on NewsRound. However, what's that coming over the hill!! Na bruv, it's not a hex bug, it's the old Noddy Holder barrel of giggles, that is ..our pal, gals and gimps.. HER- 'ar social media! 

Ah, the go-to, safe bet problem child, that answers a myriad of moral dilemmas asking how in the Devil's Red Hot Hell and why our modern age has become the mess that we know and love today. The diminished attention span of today's gen? Social media babes. Trolololololololing? That's on soccy meds bebs. Depression, anxiety, hate, yuck myself, stupid, pooey, angry, sad (evocative of that girl's annual GCSE Art piece: Devastated Effy Stonem, charcol on sugar paper)? Social Media daruling. An unhealthy, uncompromised, slightly soul destroying obsession with Sabrina Carpenter's silly little song about a silly little cafenated hot drinky poos? SOCIAL MEDIA will 'splain that one doll face. 

But ultimately, with the rise of social media that sees celebrity, once only accessible from papparazi shots, tabloid articles and the odd public breakdown, we are exposed to the inner workings of celebrity's lives more than ever before. As Yaxley so deliciously puts it in his article; How the internet destroyed the cult of celebrity; "Celebrities used to be a lot less accessible than they are today. A metaphorical wall was once in place to distance the general public from the celebrity".

And it's true! With the rise of social media, the nitty gritty nickernackerbockerglory details of celebrity's most intimate, real-time happenings, thoughts and feelings are simply a mouse click away (to quote Pixel from Lazy Town). 

Pixel actually had a point. Look at his lyrical wordsmith shine:

'A mouse click away,

Life 

can be so,

easy.'

Pixel's Lyrical Debut: Gizmo Guy #knockEspressooffNumber1

Speak your truth Manic Pixel Dream Girl! An Anthology:

Yes Pixel! A sex-positive, polyamarous kween <3  

POV: ur McDonald's Monopoly freebiee bag of carrot stix

help

ffs robbie rotten is changing his fit AGAIN we r gonna be late to Ziggy's pres now!!!

It's with this nihilistic attitude that gets you from leisrely playing Lady Millions on FoxyBingo to before you know it, squandering your mortgage, the kid's uni savings and you're flogging Nan's y2k nighties on Vinted just to have a penny to your name.

cannot WAIT to meet FoxyBingo at FurryCon 2024!

Social media has made everything so accessible. Those celebs of yore who were once untouchable and ellusive are now inundating our feeds with their own countless daily updates and, may I add looking rather polished doing it! Celebrities have made Instagram their best pal. They are in control of their own content, ensuring every single post is curated and polished, always puttin their best face forward, complete with a snatched little outfit and the @ of the latest Influencer sponsor. 

And on the other hand, public figures have also reclaimed control over their image. When once an unflattering pap photo would have made headline tabloid news simply due to the humiliation and facade-shattering nature of it all, celebs now can post their waking moments, bed-hair and make-up free, wafting of a hangover for all of their million followers to see.  No longer are they at the demise of unflattering sofa interviews or scandalous opinions being leaked from a 'source'-they are engineering these 'warts and all' personas all on their own accord. 

Celebrities are existing in a scribble of aiming to be 'relatable', to living 'influential lives'. But no matter where public figures find themselves in this venn-diagram of normies to BNOC, they are still gobbled as because they are served on a platter made of celebrity, fame and status. We are hungry to see them in the glitz and glam, just as much as we eat up the novelty of seeing celebs roaming like the rest of us down the Yellow Sticker section of Tesco Metro.

Celebs are more accessible than ever. The digital has graced all the alphabet-Listers with the power to present themselves according to their rules-good, bad, ugly. But through all these fine print, no matter how 'relatable' or 'influential' celebrities choose to present themselves, it is impossible to ignore that they are still celebrities. Yes, they're just skin and bone like ur average Joelene, but glammed up or glammed down, we are viewing them through the lens of celebrity nonetheless.

So. Sorry I am aware I have taken u on the scenic route just to get to the meat and gravy of this silly blog post. So where do I fit on the binary of celeb engagment? Well for starters, I do not own an instagram account since it sent my OCD spirallololololing a few years back <3, so the glitz and glam image is slightly lost on me. However. Je'adore the mundane, real life, nitty gritty slightly shitty celeb, away from the BetterHelp ads and ring lights. Even better? I love a celeb pre-fame. It makes me feel seen and acts as a delicioius reminder that yes, even the it-girls of today probs wore New Look's 915 range and slathered on layers of Garnier Body Summer Tanning Moisturiser like they had a job to do.

And recently I discovered the greatest equaliser of them all... The one thing that unites a sisterhood like nothing else... Vinted (and her disgraced sister, Depop). This pussy bites back! And so does user39739273 who INSISTS on no lowball offers otherwise you will be BLOCKED. Rules will be rules and Vinted girlies will be aggressive. It's just the way of the world.

You can imagine my pure, unadulterated joy when I started to unearth numerous Z-Lister's Vinted accounts. There's a perverted thrill in seeing that Ruby from Made In Chelsea is just trying to earn a quick buck by selling her old TopShop threads like you, me and dupree all are. Sure there's fame and hiearchy, but Vinted doesn't see status, Vinted doesn't see colour, Vinted doesn't see gender, it just sees that Z-Listers, A-Listers and everyone inbetween flogs their five year old self's t-shirt for £15 under the guise of y2k and 'mum bought this in the early 2000s! so lindsay lohan'!

In the world of Vinted we are all the same. If Vinted was born in the 1980s, there would be a celebrity charity song recorded by Bob Geldolf and Micheal Jackson because we are the (Vinted) world, and we are all the (Vinted) children. Under the blue lights of Vinted, the bedroom backdrop used to photograph ur preloved garms merge into one-Z-Lister backdrops become indistinguishable from mine or yours. Z-Listers are using the same reused, torn up Bag For Life to wrap up their parcels just as Beverly from Stockport uses. We are all running in a tiredless conveyer belt of the same silly captions and tags, and we are all 'open to sensible offers' and whispering sweet nothing promises of 'next day postage if you buy my shit today'. A B C D E F Z Listers have all lied that the InPost Locker scanner wasn't working simply because they were too hungover to leave their bed rot and go post that parcel. And we have all gotten a humdinging review! Chips happen.

So take my hand and join me as we relish an exhaustivly niche list of Z-Lister's Vinted accounts.

Fiorenza Cocozza- I Kissed A Girl

might buy something just so i can add flirting to my digital footprint x

Fiorenza Cocozza from I Kissed A Girl Fame, not to be confused with X Factor's bad boy Frankie Cocozza (although Dermot O'Leary's advice to lock up your daughters is applicable to Fi too). Fi was the absolute heart throb, tartan army warrior of the messyria. Look at me calling her Fi like I know the girl! I'm 50% of a strong para-social relationship here, allow it. Fiorenza made waves on IKAG with her tomboy cheeky charm and sensational flirting. She def binge watched a Youtube 'How To Flirt: For Beginners' complilation before realising that simply commanding Meg to finish her drink in that stupidly supple Scottish accent will do just fine. Heads will roll, heads will turn, head. For Fiorenza. And look at our girly girl Fi in her Vinted pp!! The tomboy, baggy cargoed Fi we fell for discussed in IKAG how she used to have a much more femme image and long hair and according to her Vinted, she was not pulling our leg.

Good for? Supporting our IKAG troops

she'd just have to look at me funny and i'd be in the family way

Clare- Steps

Stephanie from Lazy Town grew up

It's funny because when ur little nobody ever tells u that u will grow up to be kindred spirits with Clare from Steps. The Siterhood of the Travelling (Secondhand) Pants, if u will. Ok so we both hoard clothes just to sell them on Vinted? Yes. And we both sing for our supper? Yes! I haven't had a bite to eat for yonks but delusion is the best accessory a girl can wear (and you can't put a price on delulu). From deep diving into Clare's Vinted, she's a bit of a slag for Zara and eats UP sparkly jumpsuits-what else is a mum of 2 who sings for their sasuage caseroule tea going to wear whilst she perfoms a Steps Megamix on Steph's Packed Lunch!!!!!

Good for? A way to get closer to H from Steps

Balegada Balegda for sure

Amy Spalding- I Kissed A Girl 

amy's vinted! and no she's not selling her boots

Amy!!! This is Amy-zing Grace sweetie chops. The 'ar Di of a generation who walked so the phrase "either want to be with me, or be me" could run. If you're anything like me, then we are cross-continentaly trauma bonded over the deep dark depths of envy over Miss Spalding's wardrobe. I was happy as Chuck and Barry when I discovered her Vinted, expecting a plethora of y2k inspired baby tees splattered with diamente spelt tacky slogans like 'future milf' and 'God's Favourite'. Poor girl must have been sweatin her tits off in 30 degree heat but you know those pleather boots will be plastered to her till kindumb cum. Stomp stomp and putting the world to right. Stomp stomp and make a Masseria a home. All in a day's flirt. She was the fashion girlie of I Kissed A Girl. But alas, everyone knows in order to buy tacky y2slays, u need coin, evidenced by the passe off the shoulder lace numbers and PLT rags Miss Amy is vending. Also blonde Amy! Reds have more fun and def own more pleather bootz.

Good for? You hon!

Ella Morgan- Married At First Sight UK

if the daily mail haven't called her a leggy blonde yet idk wot's going on

Ella Ella, named after Molly Mae's teddy Ellie Bellie (I imagine x). Ella Morgan was an iconic bride in the latest series of MAFS UK, making TV history as the show's first trans bride and TV history for literally every other way she acted up. Iconic, chaotic and loved a dress that got the girls out and about! Ella's Vinted wardrobe is small but mighty and she's even selling her GORGINA wedding dress that could be yours for £592.25 inc buyer protection. Actually not bad considering the beauty of the dress and that all proceedings are donated to Trans supporting charities. Look fit and feel like a good person doing it.

Good for? +100 Aura points for urself because ur consumption habits r going to a good cause.

Ruby Adler- Made In Chelsea

Apart from a block of some dodgy reviews of a incompleted sales 6 months ago (must've been when her and Reza were on yet another rocky patch). Small businesses suffer at the hands of toxic relationships (trust me! I didn't post two camis once during my breakup in second year and that's 3 squids I'll never get back cba). Ruby is so fit it pisses me off but good for the girl. She's selling us her rags so she can go on wearing gorgina fits and looking hot in Raffles Club. 

every girl needs a Miles in their bag to bump up the prices

Good for? A range of bikinis, heels and itzy bitzy dresses. And an excuse to say ur wearing Ruby Adler of MIC fame's hand-me-downs.

Kate Elisabeth and Flossie-Youtubers

Simply grouped these two girlies together because their Vinted is classy, cool and stylish if not slightly on the spenny side. But mostly grouped together because of their harmonious buyer feedback that finds them both be accused of leaving face masks in the clothing items they have sold (look for fig.1 and 2. for reference):

Fig 1:

Fig 2:

Hot covid girlies! At least they were keeping it safe.

Good for? Social distancing

Yaxley, N (2022) How the internet destoryed the cult of celebrity. Available at: https://reaction.life/how-the-internet-destroyed-the-cult-of-celebrity/ (Accessed: 26 June 2024)

Girl silly girl hobbies because I'm a silly obnxiously girlish git girl

A lesson in hobbies as demonstrated by Channel 4's Undateables alum Daniel Wakefield:

 

I became a gym girlie for a week but felt ugly when I wore small hoops and stupid when I wore my 60cm diamenter numbers. 

Next up on the roster?       

                                   

I became a party planner. 

It's the natural trajectory of things. My sister's hen-do was looming like a bad smell so I got artsy craftsy with it. I made a phallic-fantasy pass the parcel, I booked a plethora of drag queen laiden club nights, I filmed my brother-in-law for a Mr and Mrs question style game and crafted party favors that could launch a thousand ships. That was fun but lacked sustainability. Afterall, hen-dos were a once in a blue treat and not a daily extravaganza.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Hobbies sound like a good idea on the tin, but when it comes down to it, it's all just organised fun innit. For me (you're gonna love this), my hobbies are cost-effective, mundance and delectable. They're usually wrapped up in 'to-do-list' cling-film, but with a gratuticous dollop of dragging out the time, that blurs the lines between must-do tasks and hobby.

Therefore.

Please see fig. 1 below for a good old, get ur teeth into, chunk of sentences that dedicate my love and affection for my all-time (and severely slept on!!) HOBBY 

Fig. 1

An ode to my unsung, favourite hobby:

GETTING READY

getting ready is the most quintisential part of any day. I know I have the luxury of unemployment to justify this self-indulgent 'hobby', but truly, there are few things I enjoy more than getting ready to go out. Going on a dog walk? Popping to Claire's Accessories to buy yet another pair of tweeny-bopper plastic clip-on earrings? Big night out? Or simply putting the bins out (i don't do this one but the sentiment remains the same)? Whatever you're doing (or not doing), the pre is just as crucial as the doing. The equation is simple and mandatory, but the order can be re-arranged and chop and changed depending on individual taste.

Numero unero: Music. Or any sound at that matter: podcast, dust off your Now That's What I Call Music 68, Disc 1, Track 20 CD, podcast, or the sound of your piss knocking against white porcelain toilet bowl. Just a soundscape and not your own thoughts rattling about in ur head. 

Numbero doce vita: Glass of liquid in hand. Ideally a liquid with a percentage on its deriere (especially if you're getting ready to go oooey gooey OUT OUT). A nice alternative is a glass of water (boring but true) or a bubbly glass of crisp Shloer to get you nicely off ur rocker.

Stay hydrated and gives your spare claw something to do in the process. 

Three: Smoke a cigarette/Crystal Bar (save energy, buy a Crystal Bar #lightupyourlife)/inhaler (medical)/ candy stick sweets. 

Even if you don't want to, you must. Good prop for the oblligatory photos you will be taking in ur grotty little mirror and makes u feel something. 

The misclaneous rest: 

Layers upon layers, and then another layer of mascera until kingdom come.

Nice lights (no overhead lighting EVER). 

Hair straighteners on until a steam cloud fills ur room (doubles up as a nice dramatic smoke cloud entrance). PLUS- helps co-incide with step 3 (steam that helps cover up the vape cloud)

Several outfit changes that results in wearing the first one you started in.

Whether it's a night out, or a pub trip, these steps are m a n d a t o r y to any enjoyable getting ready situation.

Remember. Don't get ready. STAY READY.