Girl silly girl hobbies because I'm a silly obnxiously girlish git girl

A lesson in hobbies as demonstrated by Channel 4's Undateables alum Daniel Wakefield:

 

I became a gym girlie for a week but felt ugly when I wore small hoops and stupid when I wore my 60cm diamenter numbers. 

Next up on the roster?       

                                   

I became a party planner. 

It's the natural trajectory of things. My sister's hen-do was looming like a bad smell so I got artsy craftsy with it. I made a phallic-fantasy pass the parcel, I booked a plethora of drag queen laiden club nights, I filmed my brother-in-law for a Mr and Mrs question style game and crafted party favors that could launch a thousand ships. That was fun but lacked sustainability. Afterall, hen-dos were a once in a blue treat and not a daily extravaganza.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Hobbies sound like a good idea on the tin, but when it comes down to it, it's all just organised fun innit. For me (you're gonna love this), my hobbies are cost-effective, mundance and delectable. They're usually wrapped up in 'to-do-list' cling-film, but with a gratuticous dollop of dragging out the time, that blurs the lines between must-do tasks and hobby.

Therefore.

Please see fig. 1 below for a good old, get ur teeth into, chunk of sentences that dedicate my love and affection for my all-time (and severely slept on!!) HOBBY 

Fig. 1

An ode to my unsung, favourite hobby:

GETTING READY

getting ready is the most quintisential part of any day. I know I have the luxury of unemployment to justify this self-indulgent 'hobby', but truly, there are few things I enjoy more than getting ready to go out. Going on a dog walk? Popping to Claire's Accessories to buy yet another pair of tweeny-bopper plastic clip-on earrings? Big night out? Or simply putting the bins out (i don't do this one but the sentiment remains the same)? Whatever you're doing (or not doing), the pre is just as crucial as the doing. The equation is simple and mandatory, but the order can be re-arranged and chop and changed depending on individual taste.

Numero unero: Music. Or any sound at that matter: podcast, dust off your Now That's What I Call Music 68, Disc 1, Track 20 CD, podcast, or the sound of your piss knocking against white porcelain toilet bowl. Just a soundscape and not your own thoughts rattling about in ur head. 

Numbero doce vita: Glass of liquid in hand. Ideally a liquid with a percentage on its deriere (especially if you're getting ready to go oooey gooey OUT OUT). A nice alternative is a glass of water (boring but true) or a bubbly glass of crisp Shloer to get you nicely off ur rocker.

Stay hydrated and gives your spare claw something to do in the process. 

Three: Smoke a cigarette/Crystal Bar (save energy, buy a Crystal Bar #lightupyourlife)/inhaler (medical)/ candy stick sweets. 

Even if you don't want to, you must. Good prop for the oblligatory photos you will be taking in ur grotty little mirror and makes u feel something. 

The misclaneous rest: 

Layers upon layers, and then another layer of mascera until kingdom come.

Nice lights (no overhead lighting EVER). 

Hair straighteners on until a steam cloud fills ur room (doubles up as a nice dramatic smoke cloud entrance). PLUS- helps co-incide with step 3 (steam that helps cover up the vape cloud)

Several outfit changes that results in wearing the first one you started in.

Whether it's a night out, or a pub trip, these steps are m a n d a t o r y to any enjoyable getting ready situation.

Remember. Don't get ready. STAY READY.