Millennial things that are actually 'lit'

millennial things that i acc enjoy 

The millennial boys and girls do some things well. Or, to put it in millenial speak, they 'did a thing' (and they do it well).

We are all familiar with the archetypal family member who could obv never be racist! because their neighbour is second-generation immigrant, their meal deal of choice is the Chicken Tikka wrap with a sushi snack in the *name of culture* and they have literally never seen colour in their life!! Well, I fear that I see myself in them.. have I become what I always sought to hate?! Only, it's not a question of colour, race, or gender... it's a matter of millennium. If I'm colour-blind, then my other senses have been heightened because the stench of the millennials is REAKING. (and it smells like So... Kiss Me body mist).

let me hot box this

I've socialised with millennials, I've got family members who are millennial, and I love Robbie Williams' song, Millennium. So yes, I am a Millennial sympathesier. Feels liberating to speak my truth.

They're human too guys. Beneath the painted on skinny jeans, and underneath the 'quirky' faces posing for thier Retrica photohoot, there is a person. And whilst they're responsible for giving Gen Z some good punchlines to the same wrung-dry jokes (you've got your cheering prosexxy Boomerangs, and the great equalier Hinge prompt; 'i love men in skinny jeans' to sort the wheat (Gen Z) from the chaff(Millennialz). But it's not all bad... Yes, we have lost some good men, but we have also gained some high-value treats at the hands of those baked from 1981-1996.

bottomless brunch

colourised footage of Gen Z making peace with Millennials, 2024 

competitive drinking mixed with normalising day drinking. What is not to like! Several glasses of glorified squash and vodka, doused in ice chunks, and lined with a plate full of beige food (that will be served as a round two in the Las Iguanas toilet bowl). Mush and chips! Bottomless brunch has become lore in the Ley household, following my eldest sister (born 1993), sicking up her fifth glass of prosexxy at the table and climaxing the afternoon by vomming tabboleh in the disabled toilet. prat summer.

taking the hobits to isengard

every generation has their 'I remember exactly where I was when I heard Diana has died' moment'. I remember exactly where I was when I was exposed to my first sweet taste of the meme, an inpenetrable nectar that would weld into my brain tapestry for the rest of time. My 90s born sisters were howling at a silly little video wherby, someone (kindly), remixed The Lord of The Rings theme into a filthy, eurotrash type beat.  Trancey, ethereal and not completely disimillar to a Charli XCX b-side. Such a filthy beat, it's unhygienic. 

SO yes, the millennials might have a perverted obsession with the fantasy land (ie, Harry Potter, elves and Lord of the Rings, and the delusion that skinny jeans r the most flattering denim) BUT, this time, i'll allow the fantasy. It's camp as Christmas. P.S. the emotional bridge with Legolas and his blonde weave is nothing short of a miracle.

'that's lit'

does what it says on the tin. One of those those phrases that I began saying with a thick scoop of irony..until it stuck like an al dente Spaghetti hoop to a wall. I like 'that's lit' because its a delicious precursor to many a famous saying: 'that's litmas paper' (appeals to the GCSE Double Science girlies), 're-lit my fire' (appeals to recent viewers of Better Man and Take That comrades). Versatile and reliable.

99.9% don't know this secret!! Dermatologists HATE her!

abbreviated vocab 

'i did a thing', 'doggo', 'platty jubes', 'gas and leccy'. All Millennial classic phrases that can unite generations across the land. Bit cringe? Yaspolutely. Bit addictive? Like MSG. I personally enjoy the Millennial persuasion of stunted vocab because it's every lazy girl's dream to short cut words and skip to the good bit. yes pls. 

Millennials are single-handily mental heath deniers. makes me sick

i had to hold space for this ye oldee classic because it felt right. iVape. 

thinking a #hashtag is a good substitute to a joke punchline

it's lazy and adds absolutely 0 to the comedic value of a joke.. yet, I love it. Just adding a keyword to the joke's material as an extra buzzword. It's like SEO but make it funny. A cheap laugh.

#yuck! #comedyshorts #LOL #rofl

Being defensive and hyper-sensitive

a comment on a Buzzfeed article (self-fulfilling prophecy); '40 Things People Roasted Millennials for loving' 

We all know a Millennial who is too quick to defending their Millennial positive stance. Border-line defensive and hyper-sensitive to a sniff of criticism about their most prized possession; being born in the 80s/90s. 

Question for the board.. if there's nothing to feel guilty about, then WHY are you acting so defensive Millennials?

As a hyper-supersonic sensitive soul, I felt this one.

x

2024 the rundown: day 8: animals that had 2024 in a chokehold

The animals that had 2024 in a chokehold

The horse who went to Turkey

A film that I am both so excited and yet so nervous to watch. Two things can be true at the same time! An expected harrowing watch as two national treasures fall in love, have a child and then face a terminal diagnosis, it is one of 2025's most talked about tragic romcoms. However, We Live In Time got lips smacking back in 2024 with its initial film poster, that featured the protagonists and a spotlight hogging horse who looked like he'd done a season in Turkey and an all nighter in Bristol. Veneers and pupils the size of my fist? Groundbreaking.

Moo deng, the slimy pork

A baby pygmy hippo who went viral because she's *sassy* (that one was for you my Millenial huns) and super slimy. She does look like a strip of charcoal toothpaste on my toothbrush, only slimier. Pure grease. one pat of moo deng and your hand would simply be dripping. wet floor sign activated. she is doing bits for Thailand's tourist board however (which helps me sleep at night, given my foiled plans to visit Thailand-i don't know how Bangkok would cope without another SW Ldn girl drinking a fish bowl in the name of culture)!!!!

The meme loyally used in every Millenial WhatsApp group chat

Another one for the Milleniali. This dog earned his strips by being the face of the doge meme, loved by millenials and Elon Musk alike. Trump's number 1 slut!!!, and apparent economic advisor to Don, Elon Musky named his Department of Government Efficicency as a wink, wink, nudge, nudge to the Doge meme. It's a weird link and then DogeCoin came and made it all weirder.

Snoop Dogg became a sporting legend

For some reason, Snoop Doggy Dogg could be spotted at basically every event of the 2024 Olympics. You call it patriotism, I call it teaching an old dog new tricks. Woof. I am glad he used his leggy ways for some good. 

Mokey Man

Robbie Williams screaming, "for the next 2 hours your ass is mine" but in the form of a CGI monkey was not on my 2024 bingo card.. but i've never been more thrilled to hand over my ass, gift wrapped, and bestow it to such a charismatic monkey man. The ex Take That member told his life story and rocky road to fame via a personified monkey man (because it's Robbie Williams and he will always be the one saying "let's do a silly one!!" at school picture day). He's a kook! He's manic pixy dream boy (chimp) who looks concerningly hot stuff in his blonde buzz and adidas era...

so fit r u kidding me rn

2024: the RUNDOWN: day 7

3 Traitors and a Baby

What do Jacqueline Wilson novels, Conor Maynard and The Nativity all have in common? Daddy issues.

2024 did a number on us with a two-in-one 'who-dun-it' news story...

Season 2 of BBC's The Traitors burst onto our screens as the murder mystery programme introduced us to a batch of freshly baked contestants, keen to uncover the group's traitors and faithfuls. Charlotte Chilton, a likeable faithful (who lost aura points due to her slight teacher pet vibes n dat), entered onto our screens, none the wiser than in a year's time, she would be the Daily Mail's golden girl... 

After unexpectedly falling pregnant after several lost pregnancies, Charlotte shared the lovely news that she was baking a seeds sensations in the oven. But the ball really started rolling in June 2024, when she revelved that the father of her baby was... Conor Maynard!!! in an Instagram post that could laugh any other Wagatha Christie style post out of the room., Charlalala revealed that she and her baby would not be kept a dirty secret and revealed that the 'Can't Say No' singer was indeed, dad. 

Conor still has not publicly commented on his fatherhood but the baby is literally Maynard's face with a bow on its head. apple<3tree

She broke the internet (at best, dismantled The Mirror for the better half of a Sunday morning) and exposed the drams that after meeting The Traitors wrap party, the pair shared a special hug and voila! *stage right, ENTER baby Penelope*. Things got icey quick, however, when Conor quickly ghosted Charlotte and expressed zero interest in co-parenting or getting to know his baby. Sandwhiched inbetween Denise Welch and the rest of ITV's Loose Women, 'ar Char has had Loose Women interviews, featured in more Daily Mail articles than you could shake a Conor Maynard stick at, and been very vocal on her Instagram regarding the baby drama.

Feeling like Maynard tried to 'silence' her, after apparently changing his initately positive tune into a negative one, Charlotte unashamedly shared her news and has always been open in the fact that she has given him the option to know his daughter.

If Conor had been sat at that Round Table, i fear he would soon become the meal served upon it.

It's all very BBC and its one of those random British sub-culture news stories that will never stop being the hand that feeds me. It's bonkerz.

"girls girls girls I just CAN say no" apparently :/

Willy Wonka Experience advent calenduh 6

On February 24th 2024, I applied for my Scottish passport, popped on a Glasgow accent tutorial (aka mindlessly tapped the better half of my day through Ella from Love Island's Snapchat stories) and ate the hot girl Wonkidoodle diet consisting of 2 jelly jeans and a plastic cup of own brand lemonade. Because nothing tastes as good as having sugar coated veneers feels! Confused? #metoo. But if you can guess what i'm subtly hinting at, then, well... you must be chronically online! You'll understand I'm tarnishing my journalistic aspirations of being next to Jacqueline Wilson in the literary canon time on Blogger.com to introduce today's topic: THE WILLY WONKA EXPERIENCE.

i I owe the better part of this year to Scotland and its hand in what quickly became the most viral flop since crustless sliced bread. soggy! THE WILLY WONKA EXPERIENCE entered our brains and settled into our hearts when a photo of this girl emerged online:

pretty sure i got this Crazy Science! kit when I was 8 and made my very own 'lava lamp' (aka an old Lucozade bottle stuffed with food colouring stained vinegarette)

the Wonkidoodle behind the smile: the actors who were hired to play the Oompa Loompas hide a world of pain, memes and CARTCHY tunes behind their smiles.

A torn apart 'oompa loompa' with a shag haircut and a face that could launch a thousand ships. She looks like the kooky celebrity contestant that goes out in week 3 of Strictly Come Dancing after one failed comedic cha-cha too many. In a similar way that Zimbardo's Stanford Prison Experiment ended a week prematurely due to increasingly violent behaaviour,  The WilsWonks Experience ended within a few hours of opening... only far more psychologically harrowing.

'pasadisth' is saying 'paradise' with a mouth full of peas

In a storm of piss poor AI designed promotional posters, clinically depressing ticket prices at £35 a pop, and promises of 'exarsedray lollipops', parents were keen to take their child for a fun-fuelled day out. Like Cadbury World but with less worker rights and even less Cadbury Misshapes.

more money than sense? Facebook mums bought tickets purely based on these AI-generated posters

Organised by House of Illuminati, what was promised to be an interactive experience comprised of spectcular set designs, insane visuals, Wonka-inspired theatrical performances and scrumdilumptious sweets treats left visitors feeling more sour than sweet...

Imagine the worst Don't Tell The Bride venue decorations you've seen and then minus a couple more rented props...

this vibe! but oh so much more bleak

'imagination lab' because they left EVERYTHING to the imagination

i lurve minimalism!

yes, a cheque is a cheque but this ain't worf being on my Monzo Wrapped 

The characters at this Wonka meet and greet convention include (are are limited to) 'Willy McDuff': if Trainspotting's Sick  Boy was addicted to smoking candy sticks instead of crack pipes.

Because God Forbid Roald Dahl sued for copyright! A close shave!! 

In true WonkaEx style, the McDuff actor was given the script the Friday teatime before the Saturday's event. In equally lastminute.com style, an Oompa Loompa actor (sorry, 'Wonkidoodle') attended a dress rehearsal the day before the event and was handed her Amazon Primed costume the morning of.

The whole thing was a flop from head to tail. There was an imagined character called 'The Unknown' who is absolutely cack ur pants scary and sent kids home crying. But miss Unknown is Kunt and really said 'such such thing as small parts'!

Cher when she said 'mom i AM a rich man'

People CALLED the POLICE because they were so outraged as the scammery and tomfoolery that they had entered into. Kids were crying. Jelly beans were rationed out to two beanz per kid. Skinnies!

But in true happy ending style...Felicia Dawkins (the superstar who brought 'The Unkown' to life) made a guest appearance at the London Dungeons due to her "clearly natural" acting skills when mastering "the art of the scare".

And! for the ultimate happy ending, Channel 5 made a documentary about the Wonka fiasco. And we all know the height of stardom is having a Channel 5 doc, whereby reality TV circuit goers pop 10pence into themselves and have a few words on the situation. Bisou!

advent calenDUH! day 5

if i know anything

and i know things

(i got a 4 in GCSE maths and can recite the whole cast, crew and runners of X Factor 2009)

and something else i know to be true, is that 2024 was the year of the REBRAND

Addison Rae

this looks like signage on the front of an off- license 

i'm ashamed to say this but in the name of pride, I missed out of 2 months of unbridled earjoyment. i refused to listen to Addison Rae's 'diet pepsi' because i was prideful and probably hated myself and so deprived myself of good things and happiness aka addison rae's silly music career. 

i felt bemused and envious of her new found pop princess status (when i've been asking the pop princesses to save me a seat for the last decade), the extremely Lana Del Rey inspired lyrics and the newfound appreciation of diet pepsi (when the sheep and goat amongst our population always vehemently swore they would die on the hill of Coke). As far as I was concerened, Addi was the TikTok girl who dug her acrylics into fame but found the nail adhesive always became unstuck. But music! well many have tried it: Kim K, Melissa Gorga, and unshakably Katie Price. so yes many have tried, and many have failed (Katie Price u are exempt from this xx) But Addison Rae drank the elixir of PR genius. It's like  a J20 but much more delicious and rich in marketing probiotics. After some crazy stabs at the acting world, and an obligatory energy drink collab, she finally did it! Addison commited to the rebrand with a very annoyingly good song. stupid good song that makes me wait in nail biting anticipation for the sensational key change. and then she chucked another great song at us, Aquamarine. She let Tik Tok die so that we may live. A collab with Brat of the year Charli XCX helped to put her on the radar. it all adds up. makes u think. god bless our prozzyident.

JoJo Siwa 

like most things you can find in your local Wetherspoons, Jojo Siwa's rebrand is not great, but, it is iconic. it's a bit weird and a bit.. well, a bit shit really, but after a few Greene King Abbot Ales, you start to warm to it. You view it with the same sympathy-drenched affection and fondness as you do when u see the Spoons regular on his lonesome, at his usual table triple parked with with his usual army of Stellas. JoJo was keen to assert herself as a gay icon popstar, worlds away from her Claire's Accessories range of bows, Dance Moms child star, North West party entertainer, adult baby vibe.

 

But in a way that Addison Rae has been able to rebrand herself with a fun, camp but sexy self-awareness, JoJo has just gotten too self, and not enough aware. I do think a successful rebrand relies on being able to take the piss of your cringe past, whilst firmly adopting a new image and sound that still feels authentic. Jojo barely takes the piss out of her bow-clad self, and her new style is just a level up from her previous brand. in a different font. like if Kidzania rebranded into Teen/YoungAdultZania. 

When Jojo released her journey of a song, 'Karma', she unfortunately said that she invented a new genre of music: gay pop. a) that's like saying u invented air: it's been around for yonks, it's begotten not made etc etc b)and at least make a song that's physically impossible to not dance to!! (unfortunately, it sounds like a bootleg Cascada circa 2008, but not in a good way). Jojo was also under fire for stealing another artist's song. And the bootlegXtreme Kiss outfit just looks like a variation on the Dance Moms fits she would have worn as a wee child star. still, it's iconish.

Russell Brand (TBC this one)

Big Brother's Big Mouth host, reformed sex and drug addict, stand up comic, conspiracy theorist to name a few. Yes, all sound like Uni Sport Night themes, yet they are just a few of the many personality traits/ Brand has been over the course of his 49 years. Then last year, Channel  4 Dispatches shone the light of Brand's alleged rape, sexual assualt and emotional abuse from at least 4 different women. Whilst firmly denying these allegations, Brand adopted yet another new personality trait: Christianity. Although he appears to still be a mad conspiracy theorist and was seen flogging a £188 'magic amulet' on his TikTok that protects him from evil Wifi signals, evil energies and lethal signals from Airports and Wifi? Slay mumma.

So a Christian and a Crystal girly? A bit of a shitmix, dirty pint, Kings Cup realness. Having been baptised in the River Thames this April, by fellow Christian pal Bear Grylls, Brand has said that his journey to Christ is a chance to die and be reborn again. In light of the recent allegations made aginst Brand, many are dubious about the sincerity and the timing of this sudden call to faith.. but let's hope and pray that God is working on Russell and that Russell is all ears to what Jesus has for him.

because

Christian Russell Brand sounds like one of those couples costumes that are always crude as tits and in awful taste. The guy would be dressed as a priest and the girl would resemble an erotic Transformer, decked out in all 25 Days of her Love Honey Advent Calendar stuck to various parts of her body.

Advent CalenDUH! #4 cuatro fromaggi

 2024: the year of the celebrity feud

Every year has their Family Circle selection box of celebrity fights and unexpected feuds. This year was no exception. Thank God. Celeb petty spats keeps the world spinning and the Daily Mail journalists in a job.

Blake Lively VS Justin Baldoni

if i was forced to wear that red wig i too would be off my rocker and roller

Everyone suddenly seemed to be hook line and sinkered to an author called Colleen Hoover and her book 'It Ends With Us'. Apart from seeing the cover plastered over every micro-influencer's Snapchat stories, it was announced that the book written by the world's third most famous Colleen was becoming a 2024 film. Propped up by Hollywood's very own iron curtain of a couple that is Blake Lively and her hubby Ryan Reynolds (who were both heavily involved in the production of the film) the film resembling a Channel 5 daytime movie, quickly became hugely anticipated. However the cast rivalry became the main event. Rumours flew from all directions: accusations that Baldoni fat-shamed Lively when he wanted to know her weight before picking her up in a scene, to none of the cast mentioning Baldoni in the press tour, Hoover unfollowing Baldoni on Insta, to the alleged rumour of creative differences. The metaphorical she/it hit the fan with the writer's room drama. Appaz, both Lively and Baldoni directed their own cuts of the film and when shown to audiences, the latter's cut was a standout fan fave. But with the allure and power of Ryan Reynolds along with his buttering up of Hoover, Lively's cut (and her version of the film poster) won the race. Peak

Sabrina Carpenter VS Camila Cabello

This drama was so powerful it literally birthed Carpenter's song 'Taste'. The disheveled will they/won't they couple, Camila Horse in Spanish and Shawn Mendes faced the wrath of the other woman, Miss Sabs Carpenter.  It's a messy love Isocoles, with Shawn supposdely having a brief fling with Sabs, before shortly being seen with his (now ex-again),Camila very soon after. It's been an ambush of indirects, shady song lyrics and sneaky sneaky wordplay. Say what you will about miss senorita, but strong points were made when she purposely a finger over her lips instead of finishing the line 'but friends don't know the way you..' (guys the final word in this lyrics is 'taste'! aka the title of Sabrina's song that discusses the somewhat messy overlap of the fling). Exhausting

Drake VS Kendrick Lamar

Not really my stratesphere but I did see a lot of this fued against my will. I realised the depth of this drama when I saw a joint tip jar in Joe & The Juice that had one side for Team Drake and one for Kendrick. Dirty money talks. Apparently a big part of rap culture is diss tracks and huge racks (made the last chunk up becasue the ABAB rhyme scheme was there on a paper plate). So after years of diss tracks and i'm better than you lingustics, Drake appaz took it too far (there's always one) and slagged of Kendrick's long time, behind closed doors girlfriend (the number ONE sacrilige of diss tracks). Then King Kenny fired back with some lyrical genius about Drake: 'tryna strike a chord and it's probably A Minor' (allbeit, a hefty lyric loaded with explosive accusationss). Drake denies these accusations obv. Plus Millie Bobbeh Brown is married off now so what's the point. Jk jk xxxxx

why was 6 scared of 7? because millie bobby brown was Drake's 11/10

Advent CalenDUH! TRESsa May #3

 Brat Summer! Love it, hate it, look hot when ur bumping it- whatever your poison, brat summer took over like thighs to a leather sofa during British Summer Time.

Brat (coined after Charli XCX's latest album) was crowned Collins word of the year. Charles XCX really did a number on us and became brat of the year after a career of scaling the walls of greatness and for thinking that this was was big inGermanywhatthefuckahhhh.

Like the rise of any good trend, brat summer was over as soon as it began. The true essence of bratation, is being brat without EVER saying I’m brat. I think therefore I am (not). I do however, enjoy how the world’s embrace for brat has normalised pseudobrat behaviors ie; being hideously late to everything and anything, using your mouth as your drinking vessel to mix drinks in on a night out, and raw dogging a couple of lint encrusted Extra gums (cool breeze only) in the pocket of your jeans bc you’ll never buy your own tub. I like that. What I don’t like is actively doing ratty things just so u can say ‘it’s brat summer’ afterwards. Losing the charm babes. Myself and a friend once discovered a member of staff had left the bar's vault door open. The dungeon held all the good stuff; your Moets, your Cirocs, your Pinots, your VKs and what have you. We strolled in and each of us brazenly popped a bottle of prosexual (Prosecco) into our bags (big slouchy bags because it’s brat summer and little tiny tingy bags jusy won’t accommodate the props needed to be a brat!) steal from the rich, eat the rich, give to the poor !

this was brat for two reasons:

A felonious crime of passion involving a trashy, post-ironic alcohol of choice (the more on the nose alcohol, the better ie, prosexxy, Chardonnay, Lambrini)

We became the life and soul when we popped open our bottles on the dance floor

It was very anti-brat however, when my friend announced ‘it’s brat summer!’ after our petty theft had been committed. being self-aware is hot but checking your brat privellge is not bratty. it's brattish. difference.

Appaz the brat way of life comes after its predecessor trend of the clean girl aesthetic; a trend glamorising  minimalism, sleekness, slick hair, quiet luxury, and all round having your sugar honey iced tea together. Meanwhile brat is cheap, easy and messy. Come as you are ; unwashed hair, last night's makeup, 3 hours of sleep and a carefree, messy nature to your name! According to founding father Charli, brat is a bold and brazen party girly who says dumb things, parties through the mess that is her life, wears a strappy top, no bra and loves herself unapologetically (but is probs on the cusp of an existential 24sev). Yes, aka, means whatever you want it to be.

bratz inc: kamala harris

this sausage sandwich

and julia fox 

brat summer was over as soon as people started to catch on that brat was in the air. perhaps a symptom of its predecessor trend: rat summer, brat summer was a blip better left behind in 2024.